Last weekend I was in Wal-Mart and as always I swung by the cards section and I nearly fell over this old guy on his hands and knees rubbing packs of cards...wouldn't you know it, this son of a bitch was pack searching! It was sort of like seeing the Loch Ness Monster...I really didn't know what to do but stare at him. I was going to buy something but it seemed like everything within grabbing distance had his greasy hands all over them. He was even going through the freaking Allen & Ginter Wrestling cards...
I hate pack searchers even more than Wax Heaven does. They will be the first to go when the revolution comes. So I stood around for a few moments just sort of glaring at the guy and then I go off to look for store management. This guy is going to jail if I have anything to say about it!
"Hi, are you a manager?" I said.
"I'm a front end manager." she answered.
"There's a guy over in the baseball card section that is going through all the cards and wrecking the packaging. He is trying to see which cards have special insert cards in them."
A second manager was listening a little distance away and turned toward me after I explained what I saw.
"Is he opening the cards?" he asked.
"I didn't see him do that but he could be" I said.
"Thanks for letting us know" he said and started playing with the blue tooth thing he had in his ear and began walking quickly to the Employee Only area behind the Service Desk. Who knows maybe he had to go to the bathroom really bad but as I left the store I had pleasant thoughts of nature's lowest life form getting hassled by Wal-Mart security.
So pack searchers of Topeka, Lawrence, and Kansas City you are on notice! I will call security, I'll take your photo, and I will post it all here.